Today I had a session with an elder, whose suffering brought me to my knees. Health crisis, organ’s failing, she is worried about her grown children, one of whom may be homeless soon and has a propensity for drugs. She lived in an awakened state of peace for seventeen years, before her health failed, and chronic daily pain pushed her out of heaven, propelling her into a dark night of the soul where she now finds herself. She called me looking for assistance, hoping that I could offer some relief from her mental suffering.
Somewhere within this conversation, I realized that I was learning from her. That I was speaking to myself, older and in pain, with no awakening to lean on. We spoke about what was real, how truth includes everything, not just the bliss. Being a wise woman, she already knew all the teachings, all the pointers.
The most true thing for me to do was to become quiet inside, and rest with her in the raw is-ness of things. Allowing the feelings to be, the pain to be, the worry to be. Holding her hand from afar, offering a listening ear and a heart willing to not betray how heavy life can be.
In the end, I thanked her for her authentic sharing, as I knew that I had just received a beautiful and painful gift that was opening my heart through the breaking of it.
Afterwards I laid in bed, and cried. What emerged was a simple prayer just for her. I knew that if she lived in my hometown, I would wish to see her, maybe drink some tea together, and love her just as she is.
Settling Dust
It is a good time to pay very close attention to what kind of coping strategies you are using to help ease any fear and anxiety you may be feeling.
Notice the beliefs that your mind is kicking up, ranging from terror arising out fear of survival, to wanting to minimize what we are collectively going through. This includes wishing to believe in something that gives one a false sense of peace.
I am not speaking of the peace that is inherent within all things. Or the peace of any given moment. Rather I am pointing to the habits we contain within to avoid and distract.
Spiritually speaking, this is a very potent time, as we are invited to quiet down and go within. Naturally this can kick up a lot of dust. Dust that ordinarily doesn’t have time to settle to this extent.
If agitation arises, be especially kind and understanding to yourself, as well as to others. The moment is truly all we have. However you land in the moment, it is a blessing and one to be cherished.
Consciousness is asleep in the stone.
Dreaming in the plant.
Awake in the animal.
And awakened to itself in the human.
~ Pythagoras
This quote is meant to point to the growing stages of self awareness. Sounds good at first glance. But just like anything, can the mystery of life be put into neat categories? The above perspective is coming from linear mind which imagines itself to be the center of consciousness.
Nature speaks to us in her own language when we are open and quiet inside. Our bodies contain knowledge of how to interpret the surrounding environment using our sensing capacity. Sensing is a powerful organ of perception which can be awoken to when mind is by-passed.
I had one of the most satisfying conversation of my life with a tree, who called to me from the woods. It communicated to me in a language that pierced my heart.
Once, a boulder spoke to me, delivering some solid advise.
A river opened a door on the flowing dimension of timelessness.
And I have had many soulful communications with animals, including a lesson in trust with a lizard.
We limit the fullness of life by primarily perceiving through our minds. Reality is not contained simply within the world of form. There are many dimensions of existence which our eyes and senses are generally not aware of. When another dimension of reality reveals itself, we interpret it as a mystical encounter, which serves to stretch our awareness beyond what we know.
There are an infinite number of planes of existence to open to. We are only limited by what our minds can imagine.
The World As Oneself
We can only love others with as much heart we hold for our very own being. It is a simple truth, as there is no division between what we contain inside, and our relationship with others. As much as we would like to think that we care or have an ability to be kind in word or deed, eventually to whatever degree we hold kindness and caring for our own pain, will reveal and express itself outwardly.
This is why we or someone else we know will in time show the pain still contained within. The truth of how much we are in inner allowance and acceptance, will eventually surface. Unresolved traumas, pain body, self hatred, lack of understanding, all can be learned to be held with love and compassion. Working on ourselves with support when needed, is an important act of kindness for the whole.
How we treat one another and the Earth is a direct reflection of both our core wounding, as well as what is liberated inside. This is why sages throughout time have said that you are in the world, and the world is in you. Have you noticed how the more transparent you become, the more the world reflects your clarity? This doesn’t mean that things work out in our favor or that life conforms to our wishes, as we are not ultimately in control. This is due to the fact that life has its own intelligence, of which we are a part. Over time, it is possible to see that the world is non other than yourself.
We are a world of polarity and duality. Feeling separate is the core collective wounding, and life suffers greatly for it. When an individual works on healing their inner division and pain, they contribute much needed healing to the whole.
Moving through life with a heart that is unified, we naturally find ourselves in love with all of creation, even with what seems ignorant. Ignorance in the end is seen as an innocent misunderstanding. Understanding opens ones eyes and heart to what is perceived as ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’, while at the same time maintaining clear boundaries that align with what we know to be true.
By making mistakes, our collective humanity is incrementally adjusting to create more harmony. Sometimes it looks like one big disastrous mess. But luckily life has an intelligence that runs deeper than human beings confusion and pain. In the end, our collective learning is leading humanity down a path to realizing that we are one holy thing, and we all have our part to play. It is time to take seriously what one is contributing to the whole.
Life is Not Your Possession
You can’t own land. That land beneath your feet is not yours to possess. At best you can live on it and be it’s steward, but that does not mean that it belongs to you.
You can’t own things, you can use them, but things are like rainbows, they are to be enjoyed (not chased after).
Your husband and wife or partner, aren’t yours. Your vows or commitment lasts only as long as needed to support your walk here, to help grow you, and to grace you with shared presence.
And neither do your children belong to you. Their spirits are freedom itself, born souls to accompany you for a short while as a blessing, if you are lucky.
You don’t own your body. At best you live your life out with grace and grit, but it returns as dust back to where it came from: the Earth, whom we honor in not forgetting this truth.
Your spirit is not your own, even this ray of light takes flight when the body falls away.
So, build your abodes, play with things, get married, have children, create works of art, climb that mountain, grieve your loved ones, and deepen your being. But remember: nothing and no one belongs to you. And neither do you belong to them.
The more you know this truth; the lighter, kinder, and with more enjoyment, reverence, generosity of spirit and gratitude, will you live your life.
No Landing Place
The transcendent realization that we are not just the body but that we are in truth spirit, is the first kiss, but it’s only just the beginning. Following this beautiful revelation lie many dimensions of Truth containing deeper and broader understanding.
Within the mysteriously unfolding nature of reality, each stage feels complete and whole until another layer of understanding intelligently reveals itself, beckoning us beyond as it introduces a whole new paradigm to integrate.
The divine is eternally waking up to itself through each one of us and through all of life. The body is not just a container for spirit, it is divine Intelligence. Every bit of unconsciousness and shadow, every feeling, each nuance, is the divine experiencing itself and making what is unknown, known.
By occupying itself consciously, the divine is eternally growing in self-awareness. Life is in service to itself, and we are That.
There are good reasons to be careful in choosing whom to open up to energetically. This goes for friends, sexual partners, all the way to spiritual teachers. When we let down our boundaries we are opening up our energetic and subtle bodies and taking in what someone is transmitting consciously and unconsciously.
We are all sharing our current state of consciousness with one another. We are like radio transmitters. And the more we tune in to someone’s frequency, the more we take in what they are.
In the case of a sexual partner, friend, therapist, or spiritual teacher, if we are opening ourselves up in trust to them, our boundaries are naturally open and in a receiving mode, taking in both the good and perhaps not so good. Not that anyone of us is to ‘blame’ for what we hold.
This is why it is incredibly important to choose carefully beings whom we open up to whose living models as best as one can tell high personal standards of honesty, integrity, and basic kindness. Of course one can never really know what someone may be carrying and what they may even be blind to within themselves. In truth we all have areas that are in shadow and which are being illuminated. Honesty and willingness to tell the truth goes a long way in helping flush out inherent shadows material.
Tuning into another using as much capacity as possible to feel into their energy field to sense what they are emanating not only on the transcendent levels but also on the human level is our job, one we should take seriously.
When and if we discover along the way that someone is out of integrity, we need to tell ourselves the truth about this and take a good look at how we feel about it rather than covering it over and turning a blind eye to what we know. This wakes up our own sleepy parts, which is the blessing contained.
Yogananda said: ‘Environment is stronger than will’. It is important to pay attention to both the inner and the outer environments we are keeping. This includes not only people, but settings, media, news, and so on. We are the best ones to determine what is good for ourselves, if we have the desire and integrity to be true to ourselves foremost. ‘To thyself be true’.
There is a whole other world happening, shimmering just below the surface of the human conceptual overlay. This is the natural world. Where time is flowing really according to the sun and where the wind stirring the leaves on the trees transmit stories to one another. The beads of moisture coming from the fog rolling in, dances on each blade of grass that is used by this and that.
More fulfilling than most conversations, a lizard and I commune on the deck. I invite him (or her), to come to my foot if it wants. It does. I hold my hand open inviting touch. Taking its time it approaches considering me as we both feel into the wonder of it all. I am not a human and you aren’t what you are. But this is, and here we are.
The news, has nothing on this world that lives here in our midst. Like the fog, we live with an overlay of imagination distancing ourselves from what is real and sublime. We miss out from what is core, our own nature. The natural world is ourselves but we have forgotten this fact. It takes very little to bridge the gap. Stepping into another dimension of seeing, we re-enter the kingdom.
The human being world of mind created dreams isn’t sustainable. Just below the surface of our fabricated reality there exists another world of earthly delights. Quietly, humbly, and with reverence we enter her kingdom.
The Oracle Dream
In the dream, I am on the Big Island of Hawaii in a small upcountry town. I enter a little clapboard white washed painted church that has dark hardwood floors. There are no pews in the simple room and a small group of men and women are sitting in a circle on the floor. Within the center of the circle, spirit is manifesting as a dancing, white veils billowing vision. As I sit there, each person in the circle is being invited, in turn, to become the voice of the ‘oracle’, the wisdom sharer, the one who knows and who transmits truth. I was also invited to take a turn which felt like the most natural thing to do.
Here in this sacred circle, no single person was the spokesperson for Truth, as the wisdom was shared and flowed through each person. This was a space dedicated to Truth, one that all participated in and where each person played an equal part. The reverence held within the space was palpable and I felt renewed, honored, and humbled in the best sort of way.
Since then (or perhaps already held within me), there has been a feeling of the beauty of what is possible amongst people dedicated to being a voice of Truth, and to share in such a participatory evolutionary manner. My work is dedicated to inviting others to wake up to their own intrinsic knowing. May we all grow into sharing consciously what we know to be true.
Falling Together
The Gift of Daniel
The radical effect that my brother Daniel’s death had on me opened me up to reality as it is. The film that I had unwittingly placed upon stark reality could no longer be upheld as I came to grips with the fact of his death. That fact had a domino effect which ripped the veils I had placed over every area of my life to make it softer, more palatable, more magical. All this was done innocently and had built up over time. With his passing, the veils came down in a radical way as the sword of truth cut, ripped, and shredded imagination. There truly was no escaping his being gone and this truth hit me hard and clean.
What ensued was an awakening to things as they are to such a degree that for the first time, perhaps since my childhood, I saw life pristinely without any overlay. The effect it had was wonder, stillness, and presence. I was catapulted into Now as mind became stilled. Past and future fell away and the simple brilliance of a moment felt to be eternal. I was stunned by shock which dislodged the coping strategies I had built up to really being Here.
I am here and things are as they are. Seems simple, doesn’t it? Simple and radical as truly stopping is transformative to the entire system. Sobering to reality began a many year process of undoing imagination, beliefs, and loosening of control.
I had been a seeker since my childhood. I remember the pain of separation descending upon me as I left the beauty of unity around the age of seven. All of my life it seems has been about reclaiming that innocence, of returning to the garden, of remembering. Nothing else was as important as feeling the coherence and harmony of my own unified self. So I meditated, did yoga, cleared out my nervous system, as I was guided by life itself back to my undivided nature.
Daniel’s death cut any remaining cords I had left to life being a certain way. I was stopped and from there the great undoing occurred. Once enough that had been imagined returned back to the sea of emptiness, the beauty of unity entered. Meaning that life’s fullness, rich with texture and aliveness, permeated my body/mind never to leave.
Because of my love for my brother, I was catapulted into our unborn nature as I made a vow to find out where he went. During the first few weeks of his death, I followed him during the night while his energetic signature dissolved like a comet into absolute nature. One evening I journeyed with him as he disappeared into the void, never to reappear. I went with him into this great unknown and when I reemerged, part of me was left in the beyond. From this time forward I have had one foot in the beyond, and one foot here, in life.
Here and not here, blinking in and out like a star.
Feeling is Healing
Be a friend to your sadness. Open up to it with the vastness of your own Being, the capacity that your heart has for itself.
Melancholia, grief, sadness, are all words that we ascribe to sensations that arise like heavy warm syrup in the body. Our bodies contain its own language which when honored, hold the key to liberation.
The sensations that we feel are not a mistake as they are an honest reflection of an interior state that is asking for attention. ‘Enter this way’, is the language of feeling. But what have we been taught to do? Collectively we do not honor the language of feeling. Not only do we as quickly as possible move away from uncomfortable feelings (whose label has been taught), but we also are challenged to open to joy as it spontaneously bubbles up.
What I have learned is that it is not possible to dismiss some sensations and imagine that we can only embrace and enjoy those we are wanting such as peace, joy, and bliss. All feelings and sensations come as a package deal. Either one opens up, period, or one is coasting, not really diving into the depth of what is possible.
We are the ones who with our capacity to label, describe, and conceptualize, have ascribed words to sensations. We are the ones who have placed them in a hierarchal linear model of what is acceptable and not. We are the ones who say that some are welcome and others are not based on our own inability to open.
Sensations pure and simple are neither good nor bad, easy or hard. These ideas are learned, passed down from generation to generation, deepening the collective grove of denial, leading to both mental and physical illnesses. As a collective, we live in fear of what we have repressed, terrified of what lurks below the surface consciousness contained within each one of us.
But we can change that. Each person is capable of learning the language of emotions, of feelings, of the truth of the beauty of sensation. Sensation is our friend. It is here to help us remember ourselves, to help us come out of hiding, and to help us liberate energy which in truth really loves to move fluidly throughout one’s system.
As time goes on, understanding about the incredible depths of how Oneness is really everything, deepens. It is the confusion, it is the murderer, it is the sublime beauty of a rainbow, it is all imagination, and it is stillness, pure reality where everything arises out of. It is the pain body, and the resolution within. By allowing ourselves to meet experiences as they arise within us, we accept them. This is a courageous and loving act. Love yourself right now as you are! You are perfect love manifesting as all that is.
Mater Dei
This that put together the elements of Earth, made me.
Fabricated out of That which dreams us all into being, I am.
I emerged out of the cauldron called Mother, am schooled by her laws, and I am blessed by the awareness of the sacred union of opposites.
Nothing touches me due to my inherent emptiness.
Everything penetrates me as I am the totality of existence.
In between the two I live, dance, play, and cry.
I live as the convergence of spirit and matter.
Everything is now known as Grace itself.
All that remains is to live this love.
With love and gratitude on Mother’s Day
Feeling myself as tenderness this morning. Have you noticed that when you really let yourself feel something completely that this one thing fully embraced leads to the totality of existence? Whole and complete with nothing missing, the threshold of fragility opens me up to a transparent nakedness that is not reached any other way except by becoming it. Being the yes with no wiggle room. The vastness of what we are lies within the minutia.
What you love: Your Self
What is grace: Your Self
What you are afraid of: Your Self
The world as: Your Self
All of life is: Your Self
No one other than: Your Self
Where you come from: Your Self
What you return to: Your Self
What the divine is: Your Self
What shadow is: Your Self
Everything is a mirror of: Your Self
All is contained within: Your Self
Nothing is apart from: Your Self
What you avoid: Your Self
What you awaken to: Your Self
Fathers
We need you in this world. Your love and care for your child teaches you to open to another in a selfless way offering protection and guidance.
Your loving heart is important. Welcoming the needs of your child opens the door to a more encompassing love lying beyond the walls of your own personal domain.
We need you to love fiercely without reserve and to let that love overflow into the world as you learn to include and value all of life in the same way that you value the needs of your family.
We need you to guard and protect the beauty and innocence of our world with the same care and attention you give to your beloved child.
Fathers: Keep stepping beyond what you feel is possible, for the love you hold inside of you is never-ending and does not stop at the doorstep of your own home.
Your heart is as vast as the universe and life is waiting for your all inclusive embrace.
With love and gratitude on Father’s Day.
Caring is a natural expression of an unobstructed heart. The heart does not divide and say: I will care only for you or only for my family. A person who is divided and at war within themselves will treat others as well as all of life in the same manner. This is the way of things. Our world is a reflection of our own inner state.
I have an altar honoring those whom I love. They represent the valuable bits that I want to hold onto, to place within myself and carry with me to the next life. Because this life will not be long enough for me to love them.
I want to always remember the love I have for them. Truly, when I look at anybody or anything, everybody I love looks with me. I see through the lens of what matters most to me.
You are beautiful because I know beauty. You are lovable because I know love. You are someone I can open to because I have been welcomed by another. So it goes.
I am my loved ones. And they are me. We share molecules made familiar by time and connection. This is why when my father was dying he said to me: ‘I live on in you’. He was right.
Thinking Without Thoughts
About 9 years ago, I discovered something about myself that up until then I was clueless. And that is that I think without thoughts. During the course of an interesting conversation with a friend of mine on the nature of mind, I finally woke up to the fact that most people think in words. Meaning that they think with words and sentences flowing through their minds. I don’t do that, and I never have. Not that the occasional word doesn’t appear, or that when I read a title of a book that words don’t pop up, (because they do), but in general I do not think in words.
I contemplate without thinking, and I reflect without thought. And for some odd reason, I thought that everyone was like me. When I heard or read that people’s minds were busy, it did not dawn on me that they really meant it. What I thought that meant, is that they were occupied with contemplating themselves as a feeling/sensing person, which is what I do. And I have been this way since childhood.
The vast terrain of felt experience and the intuitive knowing that arises out of it has been where I find and gain understanding about myself and others. I know you through how I feel and sense you. And what understanding I gain, is not through the mind, but rather through the mystery that knows itself by being itself.
I believe that we are all capable of such a way of thinking and that indigenous people throughout time have lived in this way. We do so by accessing the intrinsic intelligence and sensing abilities that our being naturally contains by shifting attention away from the linear thinking mind down into the body. This is the path of direct experience. So rather than having mind interpret and overlay reality, one directly experiences and feels what we are encountering.
My feeling is that as a species we can live in a more life-connected and seamless way by sinking into our bodies as a sensing organ and allowing life’s natural intelligence guide our lives. This is where unity lives, and this is where we viscerally know ourselves and the Earth as one intrinsic whole.
Desire
Without desire we would not be here. Everything you see springs out of life’s own yearning. The nourishment we take in are the seeds pushing towards life, as they reach towards the sun, and shoot roots into the deep black fertile soil.
Your body, the body of your children, your lover or partner, your work, your home, your beloved pets, all of your belongings have come to be because of desire.
Creativity itself is the desire of life wishing to emerge into form, something arising out of nothing, out of love, out of will for life, for its own sake.
We are desire for its own sake.
Coming into right relationship with desire has been the question that people have contemplated for centuries. Religious prescriptions and beliefs abound. Much pain has been inflicted because of our fear of desire (which is fear of the body), resulting in the destruction of our planet and suppression of our feminine nature including Mother Earth.
What is your relationship to desire? Do you open to it as it flows through your system? Or do you have an automatic clamp down on it depending on the flavor of it? Do you allow certain desires such as hunger for a certain food to arise, and repress sexual desire? Why are some desires welcomed and not others?
The bees disappearance into a flower, the flower attracting the bees and hummingbirds, our eyes taking in the beauty surrounding us, are all expressions of life’s evolutionary drive to exist. And desire is it’s calling card.
Don’t be afraid of speaking your mind and your heart. Don’t be worried that you may later change your mind as you grow and evolve. Nothing is stuck in stone. Even the stone is wearing down! We are all growing and evolving. Express your passions and concerns about how you view the world and how you feel inside. We are all works in progress, but if we wait to share ourselves as we are, then we are holding back from life. Life herself is a work in progress, and at the same time it is complete and whole just as it is, and we are life! So dance, sing, cry, create, mess up, and reveal your heart in whatever shape it is in to one another.
The coloring book of our life is being filled in right now, as we share this brief time together on this planet. I yearn to see everyone shine and smile, cry and grieve, with whatever shape your teeth, body, and inner process is in. Let’s step out together and dance in the streets. We are perfect in our incompletion, especially when we admit it to one another. Risk is what grows us. It is risky business being alive, and inertia is death. We are part of creations story. Life is meant for living, and perfection is a myth. Freedom looks like you and me, when we embrace ourselves just as we are.
Loyalty to Truth
Each one of us is loyal to something. The nature of Reality is that we get what we place our attention on. So if we are placing our attention on what we most know to be true within ourselves and within life, we get more of That. What are you devoted to is the question? If Truth (in whatever form resonates for you), is what you value, Truth will guide and care for you. Learning how to listen and follow Truth’s commands can be a way of life. This helps take us out of the drivers seat and places us in life’s own rhythm and grace.
The Timeless Dimension
For the longest time, most of my adult life actually, the direction of my Being was focused on returning Home. First came emptiness of mind, the mind waking up to itself as I like to put it. Then came unity consciousness as the heart bloomed into understanding about the truth of form: that form itself is divine and I am That (not just I am).
Finally, after many years of integrating (many call this time period the embodiment phase), yet another type of realization came. It was a realization that I wasn’t anticipating, as the body released itself of identity. How was I to know that the body contains identity within its very structure, as if the sense of ‘me’ is needed to help it function? Once the ‘me’ fell away within the body, nothing was ever the same. If I’d thought that the other types of awakenings brought radical shifts in awareness that transformed and forever changed what I imagined myself to be, this latest shift propelled me into a timeless dimension, one where I now reside.
Living here is a radical place of departure, as there is no landing place. Not the lovely non-dual ‘ground of being,’ nor the heart-centered consciousness of Unity, where one is One with everything. Nor is there the I-am-nothing-and-I-am-everything sense of Being that comes when the seeker has returned to point of origin. Rather, one finds oneself in a non-place, where the seamlessness of Here flows spatially just as Now flows temporally.
I can imagine that this non-place is where some of the yogis lived when they’d plant themselves in an ashram that sprung up around them like tree shoots around the mother tree, or when they’d follow the ley of the land endlessly like stones, rolling here and rolling there, as everywhere is Home.
I can viscerally understand, without desire springing from Somewhere, what it feels like when the body has no landing place. What keeps me landed? Does having a reference point require a point of view? In my mind, all of life is about becoming (building and creating a self), and then unbecoming (dismantling and undoing the self-sense). And when the unbecoming has returned itself back to nothing while still being in a body, then the desire-body of others and of the whole is what guides. Up until then, evolution is what guides the return home, and once completed, life is simply living itself as existence. Simply like a tree, or like a rolling stone.
As soon as the younger of my two adult children left home, I entered into a vast unknown place. I now see that my children kept me grounded with purpose as they grew and needed my care. Because I don’t have a partnership that is a substantial container for me at this time, nor have a home of my own that provides structure and boundaries that I can orient myself around, I find myself in a very mysterious place. Interestingly I do not feel ungrounded. I feel very sane, solid, stable within, contented and free. And yet here I am curiously looking at myself wondering: Where I am going? What is next? It’s all so mysterious!
I used to have an incredibly acute intuitive ability that guided my life, a skill which I had perfected over a lifetime. And in those times when I didn’t know, I learned to open in surrender with trust that eventually knowing would return. This way of operating has completely fallen away. Intuitive knowing was my compass as the evolutionary force of undoing did its thing. All the while, the kids kept me oriented in service. And now that that’s gone, I am sincerely curious as I feel into this new way of being without orientation. There is no drive other than what arises in the moment to do.
The one solid orientation that I currently have is the spiritual mentoring work I offer, which at this point seems to arise out of life’s call. Other than that, I feel like a leaf blown by the winds, not by chance, but by the ever-changing nature of reality itself. Reality seems to be in constant re-creation. Nothing is set in stone, and when one is no longer bound by the evolutionary drive of consciousness to return back to its unborn nature, then whatever a body is used for is completely up to creation itself.
I am pondering all this as I write it, as it’s a fascinating way to live. I literally have no idea what I am going to do next, except right now I think I will go get something to drink. Every moment is leading to the next one, and reality is being formed out of what we are doing right now. This is how one lives when the individual karma stream has completed itself while still in a body.
Truth is Ruthless
Truth will steal everything from you, including the last card you hold up your sleeve: Your hope that spirituality will save you from your life as it is, from your humanity, and from impermanence.
Truth comes in like a robber in the middle of the night and takes your most treasured hopes for a better life. It reveals things as they are, stripping any imaginative layers that we place over things in order to feel better.
We get sobered up without filtration, and we finally feel our heart exposed leaving nowhere left to hide. We become naked to ourselves ending pretense and finding true authenticity within our lives and with others. A deep intimacy with all things emerges and everything gets turned inside out.
Truth is beautiful and it is ruthless. It removes all obstacles to itself. It is the best house cleaning service around. It will empty you out until all that is left is love.
I Know the Taste of Dirt
Gravity and the buffeting winds of life are marinating me.
Softening my defenses as I learn to inhabit my body.
I am so grateful for time as it gives me this exquisite opportunity to ripen into ever deeper seeing, feeling, and experiencing.
Long ago I discovered that I came here to know you, Mother.
What a privilege it is to be wrapped in divine flesh, time flowing in my veins as I learn your laws, and awaken as spirit in form.
At times I feel drunk in awe, wishing to shake others awake with the desire to share in the celebration.
While at other times I feel heavy with sorrow as I know the suffering that is part and parcel of this human journey.
Beauty and pain each are a wing on my shoulders. Side by side we walk as I learn to open to it all, recognizing the sacredness and beauty inherent within all experience.
I know the taste of dirt as I have been crushed over and over. I can sincerely say that it is just as sublime as the taste of soma descending from heaven.
I am made of dirt and the divine nectar soma. Sorrow and joy are both aspects of myself, neither one being higher or lower. In this knowing I am redeemed and made whole.
Maintaining balance is supportive to our entire being as well as nourishing to the Soul of the World. Remember what is good and beautiful, take a long walk in nature, spend time alone, with friends, family, or an uplifting book. Delighting in simple things is what the world needs.
Placing our attention on what is whole and untouched and remembering what is true in the midst of what humans are up to, helps us to cultivate sanity. Love blooms and is revealed when we rest in the simplicity of our Being.
Once balance is restored, life moves in the way it is meant to, engaged or not engaged in a whole and undivided way touching on what is needed to help right our passage on this beautiful Earth we all call Home.
True Teachers: The Compassion of the Universe at Work
While many people will never feel drawn to work with a teacher (or counselor of some kind), there are many others (like myself), who benefit from such a relationship. For such people, having as clear a mirror as possible is helpful and possibly liberating. Lucky are those who find a clear mirror right off the bat, but sometimes we have to bounce around or even get disappointed by the reflection we initially choose where the teacher’s pointers do not serve (or worse, are hurtful in some way). This in itself can be clarifying as we discover over time what we want and need.
Of course there are a vast range of teachers and teachings out there (including the natural world). Some people will never meet the teacher in person (for whatever reason), while others will be drawn to work intimately with someone. There are people who follow a teacher who is no longer alive, and derive great benefit from their pointers. I myself have both a deep devotional connection with several teachers who are no longer alive, as well as a great appreciation for several teachers who are. Personally, I need both.
My relationship with those who are (IMO), still working to help humanity who are no longer ‘in the flesh’, helps me to remain open to the mysterious intelligence and benevolence of the universe. It hones my capacity to tune into the subtle realms, not being solely focused and tethered to this world of form. And the teachers who are embodied and currently serving in a visceral way helps me to see what is possible while being in a human body. How clear, precise, and loving one can actually be and that living one’s realization is truly possible.
I like having real live models reflect the possibilities of how freedom moves and looks. I feel inspired and uplifted by these models. And I have learned to take responsibility for my own projections onto these beings as I gain understanding that no one is without a shadow of some sort. That we are all ‘still under construction’, and that evolution is taking place within us all as we are life itself deepening in understanding as pure creative potential.
I for one do not wish to be an island onto myself, even while I recognize that we are all meant to be ‘a lamp onto ourselves’. There is a difference. The lamp that is being referred to here is the light that we all share. That each one of us is this light, and that it does not exist outside of ourselves. Sometimes we need to go on a journey of remembering that we are already whole which is what spiritual seeking is. And if we get some good pointers, we are led right back to ourselves.
I bow in eternal gratitude to all teachers and teachings which truly help guide people back to themselves. This to me is the compassion of the universe at work.
Being Accountable to Oneself
Endeavoring to help make the teaching community more accountable to power abuse and unethical treatment of others is an educational process that requires each person who goes to a teacher (or enters a teaching stream), to bring their own ability to discern and to deeply look into the truth of what one is wanting.
It is important to be honest in assessing what one’s ‘needs’ are and what we are bringing to such a relationship, such as: Are we looking to be ‘saved’ from the pain of our lives? Are we wishing to find an unconditionally loving parent figure to help heal a deep and primal wound of feeling unloved and unseen? Are we wishing to hand over our own power to another in the hopes of being led due to a lack of inner trust in oneself? Because if we are, we are bound to be disappointed in any teacher (or healer, counselor, and so on), we go to.
If we are seeking to heal core wounds through the loving acceptance of a teacher, we need to be aware of this, and see what our own unconscious needs are. What is vital is to be honest with oneself, not that any of these ‘needs’ are bad in themselves. But can another human being really ever help make one whole, or is that up to each and every one of us to ultimately give to ourselves?
The more honestly we access our motivations, the more conscious (and co-participant) we become as we make our own journey back to wholeness. In this way, we are less likely to give our power away or overlook abuse. It is time to evolve out of being a child handing over our evolutionary growth to another blindly, and mature into the adult that is our birthright. My feeling is that we are all teachers and students to one another. And the more honest we are in what we choosing to participate in, the more we shine a light on our own spiritual journey. Being a light onto oneself is what ultimately frees.
I do believe that the spiritual community (just like the rest of life), is due a big overhaul of accountability. Currently there are teachers who are abusing their power. Some are in lineages, and some are not.
Most of the abuse is not sexual predatory behavior but rather arises out of the (unfortunately) common misuse of power resulting in disempowerment, manipulation, and deceit. This has likely been happening for millenium as people innocently hand over their well-being (with a desire to grow and evolve), to another person who may be half-baked and not in full integrity.
Let’s be honest, spiritual teachers are in a great position to mess someone royally up. Just as much as the good ones can help a person become more aware of themselves. As we all know, no one in truth frees another, but we do have great effect on one another. Coming out of hiding and speaking the truth about a teacher’s behavior is imperative at this point in time and I welcome the dialog and invite those who are afraid to speak out, to do so. We are in this together and together we are meant to be accountable for all concerned.
The Danger of Lineage
It is vitally important to do one’s diligent research when picking a teacher to work with. Just because someone comes from an old tradition or ‘lineage’ which you respect, does not mean that they themselves have the same clarity or awakening as the teacher who inviting them to teach. The teacher themselves may be fooled into believing that a person is ‘ready’ to teach, or swayed by personality.
No one teacher, no matter how ‘awakened’ they seem, is immune to making mistakes. For this reason, any time one is drawn to someone, especially if it arises out of trusting ‘their’ teacher, needs to be looked at carefully, meeting with them multiple times in order to see if what they are imparting is of value to them.
Of course maintaining discrimination and listening deeply to what one feels when with a teacher at all times is imperative. Pay attention if something feels ‘off’, no matter how highly someone comes recommended. In this way, one’s inner authority is being developed giving one the increasing ability to sense into where another person is coming from. The concept of lineage is made up by fellow human beings who are fallible just like the rest of us.
Ordinary, yet not ordinary.
Simple, yet multidimensionally complex.
Seemingly a separate self, but cannot find it.
From the outside, all as usual.
With the center being empty, nothing is as it appears.
Total intimacy with no one here.It can be very confusing when someone contains a strong energetic transmission (Shakti). For eons this has led many to believe that the person is realized and hence, benevolent. But having a strong energetic presence or even ‘powers’ does not mean that the person is a realized being, or even helpful. It only means that certain powers have become manifest for whatever reason.
For example, the power center (in the belly) may be open in a person, while their heart center may be closed. This will lead to a misuse of power and while their Shakti may be strong and one may feel a lot of energy while in their presence (which may even awaken something), the expression of this energy will be misaligned due to the imbalance.
Opening to our full potentiality requires integrity, sincere humbleness, and a desire to empty out all that lies in the way of wishing to manipulate others or life as it is.
Keep questioning your beliefs, all the way down to the ones that help hold the idea of ‘you’ anchored to some landing place. Many of the spiritual practices that we take on in the hopes of achieving freedom contain truth but they can also help create another place for identity to take hold, setting up camp displacing and denying other aspects of self that aren’t necessarily gone, just edged out to the periphery of consciousness. At times these displaced parts come knocking wanting some air time (actually this is intelligence itself wishing to remain in balance to itself), only to be pushed back down by the myriad ways that we have learned. Who would have thought that chanting one’s mantra or resting in beingness could be used as an avoidance tactic, or that peace itself could be a state of consciousness (one among many) that comes and goes like the wind?
While the discovery that something IS prior to all thoughts and to all feelings is legitimately freeing, what then needs to be taken into account and opened to over time is the rest of life that IS content itself, that is time, that is form, and that is conditioned. When we make friends with contrast and with the idea that a vast realm of existence operates just below the surface level of consciousness (that means that you are not yet aware of it), then life freed up of beliefs can find its way to continuously illuminate itself. Through honest appraisal of one’s responses to circumstances (avoiding the temptation to run to a higher ground), and through true investigation, evolution can continue its mysterious march towards wholeness and integration, with the openness that is accessed through realizing that life really is to rich and beautifully complex to put into any kind of box of our own making.
You are pure experiencing. All that you see, taste, feel, and think, you are. You are the absolute nature of Reality, free of content, as well as all that arises. There is nothing in creation that is not you. You are made of the stars, the earth, and the sun. You are the plant, the animal, the crawling bug, as well as the dirt. You are your family, your neighbor, as well as the hungry child across the sea. You are what you deem as the good as well as the bad. All creation rises and falls as you. The past and future are held within you. Your body is made up of matter, which emerges out of life’s soup and returns transformed in another form.
Nothing is separate from anything. Even belief itself is part and parcel of the whole. As consciousness’ vision expands, the cosmic body of the whole is known more and more thoroughly by a mind that is created by you. You go to sleep, you wake up, and you remember. Wherever you place attention, you are. This is the truth of things, even when it isn’t realized. Realization happens within you, not to you, as you as a separate self do not in truth exist. Seemingly separate selves are aspects of one indivisible whole.
No One Quite Like You
I delight in your uniqueness as there is no one like you in the entire universe. I love the mischievous twinkle in your eyes when you are feeling impish, the spontaneity of your laugh, and your crazy humor (which you find the most funny), all tickling me to no end.
The way you live your life is an expression of your open hearted nature. Your fears reveal tender aspects of yourself which are still becoming known, portals to your vulnerable self. While flashes of hard-earned and pearly wisdom stop me in my tracks.
When you open yourself in an undefended way, we meet as love, and trust flows as there is nothing there to hurt. When I feel your armor, I try to remember to be soft as what I really want is connection and ease. Either way, I love you, while you forever remain a mystery to me.
Your face and body as you age deepens my regard for you. Even when you live on the other side of the world, or are no longer here in the flesh, I remember you as the spirit and essence that is you.
I will recognize you when I am no longer in a body as your vibrational signature is imprinted into my soul.
Beginners mind is always available to us. It means remaining humbled in the face of the unknown. Just when we think we have gained some knowledge, to also have the perspective that we are beginners. Wherever we stand, we stand at the beginning of the unknown mystery of what we are. There is no ground to gain, except ever more deeply emerging into and simultaneously arising out of the mystery. As the infinite, we are eternally in creation. Living as Now is the eternal beginning manifesting. God breathing itself into life, into form, as a thought, as a body, as a creative work. Not even death is the end.
Sink into your body, allowing the mind to rest in the container that holds it. The body is of the earth, of nature, and as nature, you are already attuned to listen and be open to all that surrounds you. Our skin and nerve endings, as well as the mysterious subtle energetic force of our bodies, can tune into sensing into our greater environment. I am you, and I am the tree. We are each other.
As the felt sense of being a separate self thins out and falls away, the vaster body of the whole is revealed. The body is a portal to the divine knowing itself as form.
Life is evolving, asking us to rise up to embrace our inner autonomy and to meet as equals in service to the whole. This includes waking up to our connectedness to the Earth and all beings everywhere. The old paradigm of a few teachers serving as ‘wisdom holders’ is ebbing. We are transitioning from a hierarchical way of meeting others in Truth with the teacher on top, to an egalitarian one in which we meet in a circle, inviting each another to express our own knowing, gifts, and strengths. In this new paradigm, the teacher can serve more as a facilitator, supporting participation and helping others to access their own wisdom. I call this meeting in Sacred Mutuality.
Culturally, this transition may take some time. And it won’t be without growth pains as we meet all that holds us back from recognizing our own innate wisdom. Freeing up past conditioning of feeling unworthy and dropping identity which has shrouded our natural undefended selves helps us understand that being oneself is more than enough. We are all wanted and needed here, and being a light unto ourselves without giving away our own power is the best way to come together to support one another co-creatively.
It is important to distinguish the difference between chasing after spiritual highs (risking becoming experience junkies), versus becoming truly free of imagining oneself as a separate self. Many people confuse feeling ‘high’ around certain teachers with what freedom is really about. Having any experiential state whatsoever is no indication of freedom, not even bliss or peace. Truth silently rests in the background of all experiential states, no matter what is going on, whether it be one of sorrow, or of joy, as no state is anything other than than what it is. I am not saying that all these arisings do not have validity, or that they aren’t to be enjoyed (in the case of peace), or investigated (in the case of suffering), but in themselves, they are not what ultimate Truth is.
So, to not mistake the finger for the moon, means that spiritual teachers or practices which produce bliss states in themselves are not what produces freedom. It is very important to remember this, as addiction to a teacher or teachings or even plant medicines, is misguided. A good teacher will want you to be a light onto yourself and free of leaning on them as fast as possible (even if that takes some time). That is the goal of any good pointer or teaching. Dependence is a sure sign that something is off, and if a teacher wants you to give any of your authority away to them, run as fast as you can! Truth is meant to be discovered within oneself, and at best teachers can help point the way. In the end, we are meant to be our own authority, because what we discover is the same Truth that resides within us all.
In order to see whether whatever we are doing spiritually (meditating, praying, Yoga, inquiry and so on), is actually helping us live our lives, it needs to be put to the test. We are our own science experiment when it comes to seeing what works and what doesn’t. Telling ourselves the truth about whether we are in turn becoming more peaceful within ourselves, feeling more love and compassion for our brothers and sisters as well as more connected to life, are all signs that whatever we are doing is serving!
Spirituality is not meant to be kept in the abstract but made real and brought down into the nitty gritty of our everyday lives. This is good news as we can be our own self-evaluator. Teachings are here for a purpose, to help birth heaven (what is possible and what is our birthright), here on earth. Being patient with ourselves as we grow and gain ever deeper understanding about how we can cultivate presence in our lives is a good use of spirituality.
The power of attention is immense. Wherever attention is being placed, that is what one is. The mind is an incredibly creative tool that brings things into relief. The best use of mind is to consciously bring one’s attention to a task, a feeling, or in a particular focus (like a camera lens), in order to gain greater understanding of the world around us or to explore what we are. As awareness of our true nature deepens within us, the mind’s creative potential becomes increasingly evident.
Mind is frequently lost in an unending quagmire of thoughts imagining itself to be whatever it focuses on (including the ‘I’ thought), until it is liberated from its own unconscious identification with form. This of course leads to much suffering. We are divine intelligence dreaming itself into creation. By learning how to harness the power of attention, we (as God), can use this ability in a conscious rather than unconscious way.
It is important to realize that true maturation of spirituality must include the willingness to see and embrace our unconscious shadow as well as that of the collective. Just as a ship leaning over to much to one side will go in circles, so will our own evolution unless we open ourselves up to include all aspects of life. If you look around you will see that the world is comprised of light and dark, good and evil, emptiness and form, honesty and denial. If all is infinite intelligence, then all aspects of life are That.
Nothing is in truth outside of ourselves. Everything you see, feel, hear, and witness, are all parts of you. If we only open ourselves up to the light, what happens to the dark? It goes underground, ruling from below. Nothing stays hidden forever. Everything yearns for acknowledgment, acceptance, and understanding. This is how we become liberated, not by denying the mystery and expression of existence, but by being pure openness itself.
The falling away of self is simply the end of experiencing life through any kind of medium. There is no longer a ‘you’ experiencing God, but God experiencing itself. Previous to this falling away, it is a common occurrence to believe that the separate self sense has fallen away (the non dual experience), when what we are experiencing is actually an expanded self (for instance unity consciousness). It isn’t until the self falls away completely (the interpretive medium), that it is seen that an expanded self is just that.
From this point forward, life is experiencing itself from its point of view, without any interpretative medium. In the end you become like any other force in nature, like the sand, a stream, the wind in the trees. All the ideas of holiness belongs to the realm of Self, not in what lies beyond.
Don’t be afraid of speaking your minds and expressing your hearts. Don’t be worried that you may later change your mind as you grow and evolve. Nothing is etched in stone. Even the stone is eroding! We are all growing and evolving. Express your passions and concerns about how you view the world and how you feel inside. We are all works in progress, but if we hesitate to share ourselves as we are, then we are holding back from life. Life herself is a work in progress, and at the same time it is complete and whole just as it is, and we are life! So dance, sing, cry, create, mess up, and reveal your heart in whatever shape it is in to one another.
The coloring book of our life is being filled in right now, as we share this brief time together on this planet. I yearn to see everyone shine and smile, cry and grieve, with whatever shape your teeth, body, and inner process are in. Let’s step out together and dance in the streets. We are perfect in our incompletion, especially when we admit it to one another. Risk is what facilitates our growth. Being alive is risky business, and stagnation is death. We are part of creation’s story. Life is meant for living, and perfection is a myth. Freedom looks like you and me, when we embrace ourselves just as we are.
It is important to distinguish the difference between chasing after spiritual highs (risking becoming experience junkies), versus becoming truly free of imagining oneself as a separate self. Many people confuse feeling ‘high’ around certain teachers with what freedom is really about. Having any experiential state whatsoever is no indication of freedom, not even bliss or peace. Truth silently rests in the background of all experiential states, no matter what is going on, whether it be one of sorrow, or of joy, as no state is anything other than than what it is. I am not saying that all these arisings do not have validity, or that they aren’t to be enjoyed (in the case of peace), or investigated (in the case of suffering), but in themselves, they are not what ultimate Truth is.
So, to not mistake the finger for the moon, means that spiritual teachers or practices which produce bliss states in themselves are not what produces freedom. It is very important to remember this, as addiction to a teacher or teachings or even plant medicines, is misguided. A good teacher will want you to be a light onto yourself and free of leaning on them as fast as possible (even if that takes some time). That is the goal of any good pointer or teaching. Dependence is a sure sign that something is off, and if a teacher wants you to give any of your authority away to them, run as fast as you can! Truth is meant to be discovered within oneself, and at best teachers can help point the way. In the end, we are meant to be our own authority, because what we discover is the same Truth that resides within us all.
Sink into your body, allowing the mind to rest in the container that holds it. The body is of the earth, of nature, and as nature, you are already attuned to listen and be open to all that surrounds you. Our skin and nerve endings, as well as the mysterious subtle energetic force of our bodies, can tune into sensing into our greater environment. I am you, and I am the tree. We are each other.
As the felt sense of being a separate self thins out and falls away, the vaster body of the whole is revealed. The body is a portal to the divine knowing itself as form.
Once freedom is known in a being, then what once was seen as personal is no longer seen in that way. Personal pain no longer exists, it is just pain, feelings are simply meant to be felt, and thinking just happens, it is not happening to a someone. Once the container called you is emptied out sufficiently, then the whole of creation can be felt into. No longer a separate organism, but an organism that is interconnected to every single being everywhere.
What freedom reveals is a vast cosmic body where all pain everywhere is felt and where joy and peace is likewise known as One Self. When people imagine that realization leads to the end of suffering or unhappiness, they are right in one sense, but wrong in another. When the personal self falls away, what is then known is the One Self. And within this One Self, the suffering and unrest of humanity is experienced within the cosmic body as long as separation is being played out.
What lies in the midst congruently is peace, stillness, and the truth that there is no center to consciousness. You don’t get away from anything, you gain the whole of creation which contains all polarities and realities simultaneously. Emptiness is form and form is emptiness. Herein lies the truth of things.
Life is evolving, asking us to rise up to embrace our inner autonomy and to meet as equals in service to the whole. This includes waking up to our connectedness to the Earth and all beings everywhere. The old paradigm of a few teachers serving as ‘wisdom holders’ is ebbing. We are transitioning from a hierarchical way of meeting others in Truth with the teacher on top, to an egalitarian one in which we meet in a circle, inviting each another to express our own knowing, gifts, and strengths. In this new paradigm, the teacher can serve more as a facilitator, supporting participation and helping others to access their own wisdom. I call this meeting in Sacred Mutuality.
Culturally, this transition may take some time. And it won’t be without growth pains as we meet all that holds us back from recognizing our own innate wisdom. Freeing up past conditioning of feeling unworthy and dropping identity which has shrouded our natural undefended selves helps us understand that being oneself is more than enough. We are all wanted and needed here, and being a light unto ourselves without giving away our own power is the best way to come together to support one another co-creatively.
Truth is a fluid thing. It flows, morphs, and is pure possibility. Putting anyone on a pedestal keeps us feeling separate from Reality. Pay attention to what is the most true thing in yourself. You are never far away from what is undivided, from what is natural, from your own knowing. Spiritual teachings are meant to point you back to yourself. Remain in inner integrity to what you know to be true. We are meant to be continually growing in our own remembrance. Remember, the finger pointing to the moon is your own self.The mystery of what we are lies beyond knowing. Discoveries about ourselves are constantly being made, stars and galaxies are being born, everything returning in the end back to the mystery. Seeds sprout and grow into lush plants that we can eat while we pray, dance, love, and cry. Life is birthing and dissoluting itself over and over again.
We are the creative matrix of life in constant self- discovery. We are the mystery uncovering our own makeup. Every moment is comprised of birth and death, rising and falling thoughts, cells being remade, contrast revealing itself in and through us. We come from the mystery and return to the mystery. We are the mystery discovering itself.
There is no final knowing, no final anything as this that we are is timeless infinite awareness. Nothing to grasp, nothing to hold to. We are pure potentiality in love with ourselves. We are the ones who give meaning to things, we are the ones who believe and then disbelieve. We are the unknowing revealing knowing to ourselves.
The Buddhist Teacher Thich Nhat Hanh, said that the next Buddha would be the Sangha. What is meant by that? Each one of us is the Holy and each one of us has access to the wellspring of innate wisdom. We share the same light and ground of being as the Buddha, Christ, and all the saints. In truth no one is more Holy than another. Life offers an unending invitation to practice bringing the One who knows out to speak, move, and operate in and through us. As we practice we form new neural pathways that allows for something larger than our individual consciousness to be created.
When we give ourselves the invitation and permission to rise up in our own knowing, something miraculous occurs. Practicing the art of deeply listening to one another and sharing from the undivided space within, serves in giving voice to that which lies within a chance to emerge, be shared, and be witnessed. We are all needed in life to participate fully in being ourselves as this is a gift to the whole.
I am radical on many levels, tempered by (mostly) a sweet disposition. I like extremes. Interesting people who live on the fringe of society who are doing things out of the box, and folks who question reality, concepts, and linear thinking. I like the teachers, thinkers, and artists who themselves questioned what they took to be true, and who create out of the discovery that they aren’t bound. Putting words to the freedom that ensues when we peer into the mystery beyond our own navel. This is what draws me to a type of spirituality that isn’t contained within walls of belief. Where I find myself over and over again is free falling into an abyss that has no final resting point. In this way I like to live on the edge of the unknown, inviting constant discovery. No formulas or definitions exist here, not even ‘spirituality’. Freedom to be the mystery, birthing itself into and out of existence.
For true spiritual realization to first dawn and then reside within you as a lived reality every single concept, belief, even hope of what it can bring you will need to fall away. Rather than being an acquisition that helps build persona, it is a subtraction, emptying you out revealing the simplicity of true nature. It takes away your reliance on anything outside of yourself saving you, maturing you in a radically sober way that leaves you bare and naked of adornments. Finally free of the need to be something, what is always free has a chance to express itself as You in the divine dance of life, which is pure potentiality, birthing itself moment to moment.
Just because something seems to be, doesn’t mean that there is a someone to whom it is occurring to. This includes thoughts, feelings, sensations, and even body awareness. Awareness of something still does not mean that there is a someone who is aware. Awareness is. Experiencing is. Love is. Thoughts are. And even the feeling of you being you, just is. We are all sensing, feeling, thinking, loving star dust, experiencing life as Existence.
Feelings arise for a reason. Information is contained within them and if we open to receiving the information by allowing the feeling to enter, to touch us, then the arising intelligence of the feeling has been met, has in effect done its job.
But what happens when we push a feeling away? You have probably heard the saying: what we resist, persists, and this also applies to feelings. A denied feeling will continue to haunt us, until it morphs changing shape as denial persists, eventually leading to illness and pathologies.
Pushing away so called ‘negative’ feelings such as sadness, grief, anger, and so on conversely limits the expression of joy in our system. When we allow feelings the attention and time they deserve, then they can move through us informing us of how we are doing, similar to having our own internal weather report, facilitating a portal into present moment awareness.
We are sensing beings, and when we learn how to allow feelings to inform us, then natural intelligence can flow revealing the innate wisdom of the body.
Can we be open to the flowing movement of feelings passing through us just like the sky is available to all kinds of clouds and weather? What happens when we do allow?
Emotional intelligence is something that can be learned, no matter our age. And many of us were not taught how to meet feelings as they arise. Feelings are meant to be felt. Pure and simple, if we allow it to be.
The dissolving of Self occurs over time and like the sea slowly reclaiming the edges of a lost coast returns what was built up back to the great Mother. Bit by bit, the sand, stones, plants and even stone walls are washed away merging into the sea water wherefrom life first emerged. The sea is indiscriminate, thorough, and ruthless, leaving nothing behind and takes paper, plastic, along with gems and hopes. Ground down to nothing but essence, new life emerges within as another life cycle walks, swims, lives on, nourished by what once was.
There is a growing movement in the awareness of the collective consciousness to include the understanding that our bodies are Divine. Our light (of understanding) is coming through our relationship to our body, embracing sensation and learning to meet ourselves ever more deeply. Consciousness is evolving to include all of itself. The era of recognizing the absolute truth that: I am not the body, is expanding to include the embrace of its own manifestation, of all of creation. In this way, the body is a vehicle for enlightenment (bringing light to itself, the light of awareness) as it experiences this particular expression known as YOU.
The more transparently vulnerable and tender we allow ourselves to become, the closer we are to knowing ourselves as the expression of the One embodied truth. The more intensely compassionate caring you allow yourself to have for this world, for all the beings in it, of it, the more that you are feeling into the truth of your humanness. The more that you daringly allow your heart to break wide open, so much so that the entire world can fit into it just as it is, the more that you can take reality as it is. When we crack open what becomes revealed are the eyes, mind, heart, and hands of God, known and working through and as YOU becoming manifest.
Occupy yourself! Move into occupancy of your body, taking full ownership of it, proudly, with gusto and genuine awareness of it. This human life is messy stuff and it calls for our loving attention to the details of it. Giving ourselves to the breath, to the rise and fall of the belly, the arms stretching outward grasping this and that, the feet hitting the pavement, making its mark, the daily face, slowly changing, challenging our concepts of what is acceptable. We are our own best medicine. The state of the world is the outer manifestation of our own dissatisfaction and disassociation with our bodies, with ourselves.
Occupy yourself fully, and blossom as the unknown takes shape moment to moment as YOU.
We run away from this moment as it is, imagining that there is a better moment to be had out there. This is habit of mind at work. Mind is in the habit of becoming rather than in the habit of resting in its own beingness. It really is this simple. Stopping wanting things to be different than they are even when uncomfortableness arises, allows for this moment to be seen for what it is. It is alive throbbing eternalness. It is simple ordinary nowness. It is you as you are without resistance.
Allow yourself to rest here now. Take a break forever from becoming. This verbing yourself into existence is exhausting to the system. Becoming aware of this habit of mind which is felt physically as a wanting, as a drive, is the first step. It may be extremely uncomfortable at first as the habit of leaving ourselves is so strong. Repressed denied material may come up to be met, and felt, as we have been running away from feeling most of our lives. By denying what is arising now, we are in imagination. This is what suffering is. Peace is here now with all that is presenting itself, including not feeling peaceful. When you stop running, when habit of mind is laid to rest, then the inherent peace that you have always been reveals itself in the midst of everything.
Who says there is such thing as a story? If you say there is, then you will find yourself both lost and found in it, drowned and saved it it, captured and released. Only as a central character playing a part, a role in a story, will you find ego to be real. Walk out of the theater of your own making, leaving all the costumes behind. Outside the sun is shining and you can walk on forever and ever, never tiring of the wonder of existence itself.
We have been running away from our nothingness all of our lives, all the while longing for home. The invitation to just stop, turn around, and greet ourselves is always available. By stopping one encounters the sweetest homecoming ever known. Meanwhile, all this running is happening within the vastness that we are. Running and welcoming both happening in this that we are.
The pain of seeking outside oneself can be the motivation to turn around and finally take a good look at where the energy is coming from. Becoming conscious of the motor that’s running is becoming conscious of oneself. Once seen and met, seeking as a verb rest, and the impulse of creativity, pure potential takes its place and gets to dance, as YOU!
Seeking is a drive from source to unite itself back with its intrinsic wholeness. It seeks after something that it put outside of itself, innocently, when we were very young. So, essentially seeking is propelled by the memory of wholeness. It longs to make itself whole, once more. What does it long to make whole? It’s imagined lost part. The belief in being separate from its own essence.
Awakening humanity is deepening. Moving from ‘what am I’ to ‘I am everything in creation.’ The deepening is allowing creation to know itself as every little thing. Whatever is allowed, welcomed, felt, and noticed is creation moving to occupy itself. Endless possibilities await us as we penetrate further and further into the unknown reaches of our own selves.
The end result of realization, is the ending of the paradox. The paradox of this and that, of opposites, of emptiness and everythingness, of you being you while simultaneously you being the all, while simultaneously you being nothing. All is resolved in the resolution of opposites becoming one thing, while maintaining their independent nature. Isn’t that a paradox in itself?
The revelation that we are the whole comes when it is seen that the ‘I thought’ (I am a separate somebody), is an illusion. Once seen, you know yourself as the totality. Whatever you perceive, you are. The trees, the stars, the person sitting across from you, the ant carrying a load, the computer screen, you are. You are all that you perceive, and you are the noticing of that. Simultaneous to being everything in creation, as well as the noticing of that (consciousness being aware of itself), you are the unborn nature of all that arises within itself. You are that which appears and disappears, back into itself, the birthing and dissolution over and over again.
The peace you are wanting in this moment is freely available to you right now. It isn’t hiding in some future moment. Simultaneously arising within the desire for something is already the having of it. Where did it arise from? Trace longing back to its source. Feeling lack is noisier than the quiet simple truth of the completeness, the fullness, the peace inherent in each and every moment. Quiet not noisy, not insisting, it is the most intimate thing that you can ever imagine existing. As it is yourself. Isn’t it ironic that what you are avoiding and running from most of your life, is what you are most longing for? Turn your face towards the Sun. The Sun of your own Being.
Like children, we are innocent in touching upon our essential nature. We don’t need a Buddha to remind us of what we are in truth. In so many ways, nature supports our remembering what may have been forgotten. We are innocent, we are pure, we are beautiful, and we are strong. We are resilient even amidst life’s hardships. We are One with all creation, and remembering this truth is always available to us. Whether it is a buddha, a saint, a beloved pet, your neighbor, or a tree, anything and everything is a mirror of your own inherent beauty. Look deep into your own heart, there you will find what you are longing for.
Longing is a song consciousness sings to itself, in order to help it remember its way home. Trace the longing back to its source. It is a thin thread of truth extending its arm out to itself. Follow this thin thread backwards, retracing its journey from the known, back to the unknown, where it was birthed, where all things are birthed.
Why have spiritual teachers over thousand of years pointed to the idea that we are not the body?
It isn’t because you are not (now come on, your obviously here). It’s because with body identification, we forget the spirit part. We forget that we are pure consciousness. Identifying ourselves as purely body, the mind takes itself as only form, the experience of being separate from the whole results, and suffering ensues. This is for the most part, the human condition. Remembering what we are in truth, spirit, frees one from being lost in suffering, it gives space and room to allow for everything to arise within it. What was being pointed to is correct, but it isn’t the whole picture. We are now becoming more integrated and maturing in our realization. Life is being seen and recognized as consciousness in form. We are the holy manifested.
We are both form and the formless. We are the body, we are life, and we are pure consciousness, awareness, which everything is made up of. We are the resolution of the paradox. We are both, as One.
How precious and tender this life is, with it’s ephemeral nature. Rather than holding on to it, and grasping what always leaves, allow the beauty of this life to pierce your heart. When we allow our hearts to be thoroughly touched, the moment rests as it is. The simplicity of things being the way they are without any need to make it any different. The truth is, this life is so beautiful and full, simply as it is, that it breaks our hearts. Allow your heart to break open to what it has always wanted. To be here nakedly, unadorned.
Out of nothingness, springs everythingness; life, time, planets, air, us. Realization is the remembering that we are in truth, the formless, and that everything born, returns back to source, including the ‘I’ thought. ‘I,’ being what believes itself to be a separate somebody, an innocent function of the mind, which entered as soon as we thought: ‘I am the body,’ at a very young age. This is the self-reflective capacity that makes us human, ‘I can think about myself, therefore I must be real.’ Underneath the layer of content, of all that you see, feel, hear, and experience, is the formless. Content is made up of the same unborn nature, but to realize this, we must take a backwards step, and remember, what we are in truth. What has always been the same in you at all times, since you can remember? This sameness is the formless expressing itself as everything.
Once the formless wakes up to itself (you don’t realize the formless, it wakes up to itself, over and over, in each ‘one’ of us, as everything that is made of time, is born, returns back to source, to itself, including an ‘I’ thought), then the fun really begins. Then the beautiful paradox, the fullness of truth rushes in: that we are the whole. We are time, we are life, we are breath, the thoughts, the sense of being a separate somebody, the resolution of the paradox, and the ephemeralness of it all. We are the born! Yes, we are the whole. Embrace it all, as it is yourself.
Just as a figment of imagination, such as the Easter bunny, cannot be enlightened, neither can the one who believes itself to be a separate somebody get enlightened. What is essentially unreal, and fabricated, cannot be made real. It isn’t the unreal which comes to know itself. The Easter bunny cannot get to know itself. What is only already real, always been real, comes to the forefront in consciousness. Consciousness goes on an apparent journey, known as a ‘me,’and seemingly becomes lost in its own figment of imagination. Everything created, eventually returns back to source, coming up with its own solutions. Consciousness recognizes (I like to say remembered), that it has always already been here. The easter bunny, also known as the seeker, dies, and fades back to where it came from, pure imagination. Imagination may keep turning out thoughts, and beliefs, but once the real is known, there is no more problem. The real is, and as the real, there is no one to be enlightened. Enlightenment is a figment of imagination.
What is longing? What do we ultimately, most intimately long for? There is a yearning, in most everyone’s heart for something. It is intimate, poignant, and probably the most real thing we know about ourselves. That and the absence of ourselves, is what we know. The absence reveals itself as that which has always been the same since you can remember. What has always been here, and not changed, no matter what age you are. This is so intimately close to ourselves, that it can be easily overlooked. What we long for, is for this knowing, to become consciously known. For the one that is always the same to reveal itself, consciously be known, and then felt into.
Because we are sentient beings, we can feel into the truth of our being. The one that is always the same can be felt into. Even though it is empty of content, not located in time (timeless), and is absent of any personal sense of self (the me that is a layer overlying this one that is always the same), when felt into through the body, it has a felt sense. The sense of You. The You feeling, the feeling that has always been there, and is right here, right now, looking out of your eyes. It walks around with you, sleeps with you, eats with you, cries with you, and dies with you. It is that which aways has been, and is. And even the death part is not so clear. We just don’t know. This is a science experiment, not a spiritual belief to swallow. Who you are, has always been here, isn’t it true? Can you remember when you weren’t here?
At some point, realizations come to an end, and there is just openness. You keep walking through an open door, extending outward, endlessly. The exploration feels like it is always just beginning, and yet, the self remains the same. Sameness is exploring itself. Newness within sameness. Deepening, ever deepening, within sameness. There is depth to explore, vistas to see, experiences to have. And it is all occurring within the self. The self discovering itself.
You are the details of life. In the minute details, there you are. Allow yourself to be lost in the details, in feeling, in experience, even in the thoughts. What are you afraid of losing? Your sense of self? Explore what is holding back from losing itself. We are not only the expression of expansion, of being witness to, of knowing ourselves as the whole. Know yourself also as the particular, as this and that, without fear of being swallowed up. What does being swallowed up feel like? Do you disappear? Isn’t that what you are wanting, to feel, to know yourself as the all within the details? We are travelers, we travel with ease. From minute details, to the unendingness of it all. Back and forth we travel. We are the whole, and the details, the small is that as well. Lose yourself over and over again. Give it up. Give in, surrender. It is a losing battle that you will gladly, in the end, lose.
The experience of feeling separate is a time-bound, limited perception that can be dissolved. Simply an innocent function of the mind (the self-reflective capacity which verbs itself on and on, creating a sense of self), feelings of separation can be deeply looked into and seen through. Being drawn home is the natural evolutionary cycle. Everything born returns back to its source, and so does the ‘I’ thought. We can only long for what we know to be true, somewhere deep inside. The shift that happens, when what we know to be true moves from the background (covered up by mind), to the foreground, reveals our birthright: that we are all of life, and not separate from it. A sense of self (ever more transparent), remains after the realization that you are the whole, but it is known to be just that, a sense, a sweet perfume of uniqueness, which is Consciousness differentiating itself as it does with all creation.
How do you realize?
You have to stop. I don’t know how you are going to do this. You don’t know how you are going to do this. The stopping may happen without your even trying. Or, it may be consciously sought after to stop. But in the end,consciously, or unconsciously, as a spiritual seeker or not, what reveals truth, what reveals that which does not move, which always is, which always will be, what you are, what everything is, takes a stopping.
And then what happens, is that there is a noticing. What happens after stopping, is a noticing. And that noticing just is. It’s awareness itself, recognizing itself.
And it is nothing spectacular. And it is neither easy nor not easy. It simply is.
Later, when the mind comes in. It will say: that was easy, or not easy. That took time, it did not take time. That is spectacular and special, or that it is something very simple.
But the truth is, is that something stopped. What has always been is revealed. And one sees, finally, that it has always been here. You can call it a grace, the result of seeking, an awakening, or a remembering. You can call it whatever you want. But you know that it has always been here. And it is what you are.
What is really true? Truth resides in the here and now. But not in one’s idea of the here and now. Connecting through the senses, the experience of Being, is much more direct and true. As Sensing instruments of consciousness, we have the ability to sense into the whole. Consciousness can both narrow down its perspective to a tiny pinprick (the experience of an ‘I’), or an ant, and also expand itself to include a mind and body, a world, and so on, ever outward, widening its lens of perception. As the perspective of Self expands to include more and more of the whole of what we are, of what it is, our knowing and ability to relate to another person’s experience, and the world around us also expands.
In this way, our own knowing may now include what is also true for others. And even when that’s not personally true, relating to another’s pain, or acknowledging their human and spiritual journey with empathy and love, can serve to bridge the gap. We share this human journey together, including the joys and suffering. We also share the fact that what creates the experience of suffering is believing that we are separate somebodies, separate from each other, from life, from the earth, and from the whole. On the other side of this experience of separation, the ultimate truth is that all is One and that everything in existence springs out of emptiness, whatever one’s spiritual beliefs are.
When we remember what we are, what happens is that we take a backwards step away from the busyness of the mind which lives in time and which is always in motion, and we remember that we are actually the stuff that all this comes out of. Seeing this is a big relief and as it begins to filter down into our bodies, minds and life, it can bring with it an enormous amount of letting go. The maturation of that takes the rest of one’s life, as the resolution permeates all of life. In the end, nothing is seen as separate, it is all One thing, and we can begin to live our lives simply, however it shows up. What is actually happening, is that love returns back for itself, and whatever the mind believed in a moment of innocently misunderstanding that it is separate from its experience, will be a moment waiting ‘in time’ to be redelivered into wholeness. This is what is called embodiment.
Just as it is an instinctual, existential drive to protect the body from harm, the mind its unconsciousness, protects and holds itself separate from loving, both itself, and others.
It is afraid that by letting go that it will lose its tenuous hold on this thing called ‘me.’
There is relative truth in this, but the platform that mind stands on is held on shaky, fear-based ground, made of ephemeral substance. Because in truth, it is not real.
By giving the love that we are in truth, unconditionally, we free ourselves from this habit of mind.
Gushing forth without holding anything back, we (body and mind included), participate in the replenishing of the never-ending supply of this fountain, called life.
And in this way, we become a circle of giving.
All is not beautiful and nice, this is very clear. Can you open yourself and welcome it all? Not as in ‘it’s all perfect’ or ‘it’s all good,’or even ‘for my higher good,’but as in ‘I don’t know anything and I chose to stay open regardless if my heart is feeling sad and closed, to the pain and suffering of it all, to this mysterious unknown that we are. I chose to say yes to the no. I am here and open to life as it is even when it hurts. Just because.’ In truth we already are a yes, we are already wide open. Can we become aware of this yes in the midst of no?
Abandon yourself by allowing love to flow freely, wildly, holding nothing back. As you open yourself up allowing the flow of life to move through you, as you, right there is everything that you ever wanted. The joy and bliss of Being itself. It is life right here, right now, as you! No need to go looking for it. Just stop and pay attention to that which wants to birth itself in this moment as you, over and over again. Precious beyond belief. Beliefs are nothing compared to this that you are. Flowing outward, loving itself, touching itself, everywhere. It touches everything all the while it remains still and unchanging. It loses nothing by giving it’s all.
The birth of consciousness and all things is a beautiful thing. And it all arises out of primordial being-ness. We can name it whatever we like. The stillness itself births itself and out of that everything arises. This seems to be a constant thing, as worlds and universes, thoughts, and all else continue to come into being. So, out of non-dual Oneness (stillness), arises the dual world that we see, touch, feel, and know ourselves as. We feel ourselves to be separate entities, and in a sense we are (the paradox of duality), but we all arise out of the same stuff, what is the substrata of all existence. And while we live our lives we are the same stuff, and we return to the same stuff. It is only thought that differentiates itself. And even that is made from the same stuff.
We can only long for what we know to be true, somewhere deep inside. The shift that happens when what we know to be true moves from the background (covered up by mind), to the foreground, reveals our birthright: that we are all of Life, and not separate from it. I call this remembering, as we remember what we are, in truth. We long for something already inherently known. Follow the longing back to its root, it is your home.
There is nothing incongruous about feeling our feelings, touching our pain, and at the same time understanding the truth of the way things are. Pain is pain, grief is grief, loss is loss. By allowing ourselves to meet experiences as they arise within us, we accept them. This is a courageous and loving act. Suffering and karma (stored resistance to what is), occurs when we push away feeling and whatever is arising in the moment. Love yourself right now as you are! You are perfect love manifesting as all that is.
The sense of ‘me’ is a thin non-existent veil, that none the less feels real. It is the experience of you being you and not me. This is not a problem to be solved, you are not a problem to be solved. It is life’s own intelligence at work: ‘this mouth, not that’! Enjoy yourself and when you know that in truth that it is all One Self, and that separation is an experience, and not the truth of things, then we can all play together in this garden of flowers, each face, every being, lovely and original.
The lens of awakened consciousness has the capacity to narrow its focus down to a point, and becoming in the process, an ‘I’ thought, along with the experience of a separate sense of self. Consciousness also has the capacity to open its lens in ever wider increments in order to include more and more of itself, in this way knowing itself as the whole of existence. As consciousness narrows down its perception to a pin-point as it does with the ‘I,’it apparently has the capacity to have the experience of losing itself there, in believing itself as truly separate; all the while, however, it is as wide as existence itself. Waking itself out of the dream of the ‘I,’once again, it knows itself as the whole, this time also while knowing itself as this separate ‘I’ sense. This is what is called resolving the paradox of duality. And embodiment is the process that ensues.
The construction of the false self has got to be seen through in order to know the truth of Being.
We do this by de-construction, stripping down to our bare essence.
All the while what we are remains untouched.
When we know ourselves as That, then this ‘me’ can be itself, innocent in it’s persona, a sweet personal fragrance of That.
Realization is simply seeing things as they are without the overlay of imagination. Before ‘awakening’ things are as they are, and after ‘awakening,’the same. Only you, as the mind, drops the veils hiding reality. When this ‘remembering’ happens, (as you see that it was always already there), all that got imagined over time as life being something separate from you, gets to be reexamined and brought back home to the heart. This happens naturally and mysteriously. Why not see things as they are, right now? What are you waiting for? This is life’s invitation. And you are life.
There is nothing like going off the beaten trail. Navigating the unknown reaches of our own mind, traversing mysterious territory, vines to climb over, the stillness of the forest, stopped in our tracks with wonder, the noticing becoming what you are. The wildness of nature draws us as does dropping what we know. Inner and outer melting/melding, becoming one thing, again.
Leave everything known behind like discarded trash, or rather disappear the trash leaving no footprint. Embrace this moment as it is, freshly and alive without the imprint of the known. You are a virgin baby with wrinkles. You are the unknown singing the blues. You are, we are, here, now, with nothing standing in the way.
We are facilitating the opening of a door for the infinite to emerge by the pure act of recognizing and celebrating one another’s passions in life. It is a courageous thing to be a witness to the blinding light that emerges uniquely from within each being. It is a flash of original brilliance that is everyone’s birthright. Turning our faces towards one another and not away, towards ones own brilliance, is a step towards self acceptance. We betray ourselves in turning away from radiance. That radiance is source moving through that being. This one source that we all share in common.
A life lived fearlessly can be summed up as the removal of the protective layers overlaying one’s heart from the absolute realization that you are life. It is complete transparency with life as it is. In the closing of the gap of me and you this and that, fear of the unknown and of other is embraced as all one thing. Subtle variations of this all one thingness. Within this embrace, fear is seen as love, everything is seen in the end as one thing. And love is a great description.
There comes a time when you’re so free that you don’t need to be free anymore. You’re not afraid to ever lose yourself again. Diving deeply into experience, into sensation without a care in the world. All states of mind coming and going all day long. I am this. I am this and I am this too. I am it all. There is nothing to be afraid of because you are it all the while also knowing that you are nothing. You are both at once.
I am dancing amongst the stars today. RIght here in my heart, the dirt beneath my feet. Going barefoot today. All day long. The dirt, the trees, the cars, you and me, all stars. I don’t have to go anywhere ever again. In death this body will be gone and whatever this is will dance simply without feet. This is the only difference. I have no purpose. I simply am. Your welcome to join me.
Come on, tell the truth, in the end it is all about being in love with yourself. Even loving others, doing for others, is all about loving yourself. We are in love with ourselves, every little thing we love. Even the heart breaking, soul shattering, I can’t stand this tough life stuff, we are in love with. Let’s face it we are in love with ourselves, and this self includes the whole.
I used to not take seriously love that did not last (according to some idea in my mind), and now I see that any love flitting or not is a love worth having. I give myself to this love that we are, opening myself to it in every moment, giving and receiving being an amazing aspect of our nature. I give myself to feeling it all, the contraction and protection against life, and the opening and delighting in it. Moving in and out of different states of consciousness all day long, I know the thread that ties it all together. We are that thread.
Your suffering is the world’s suffering. One suffering.
Your freedom is the world’s freedom. One freedom.
Your joy is the world’s joy. One joy.
Your birth is the world’s birth. One birth.
Your pain is the world’s pain. One pain.
Your confusion is the world’s confusion. One confusion.
Your realization is the world’s realization. One realization.
Your money is the world’s money. One money.
Your food is the world’s food. One food.
Your heart is the world’s heart. One heart.
Your despair is the world’s despair. One despair.
Your kindness is the world’s kindness. One kindness.
Your anger is the world’s anger. One anger.
Your body is the world’s body. One body.
Your dance is the world’s dance. One dance.
Your hunger is the world’s hunger. One hunger.
Your pleasure is the world’s pleasure. One pleasure.
Your sadness is the world’s sadness. One sadness.
Your talents are the world’s talents. One talent.
Your greed is the world’s greed. One greed.
Your life is the world’s life. One life.
Your message is the world’s message. One message.
Your homelessness is the world’s homelessness. One homelessness.
Your doing is the world’s doing. One doing.
Your bounty is the world’s bounty. One bounty.
Your choice is the world’s choice. One choice.
Your return is the world’s return. One return.
Your love is the world’s love. One love.
There is no such thing as ego. Ego is a made up term for having a sense of self. The sense of self is simply a functioning of mind. Ego has become the fall guy for all that seems to be wrong with yourself and others. It is all imagination. Having a sense of self does not mean anything. It is simply that. It helps with having ones food go in the proper mouth. It is a survival mechanism. And it is also what gives us the capacity to feel like a ‘me’ versus ‘you.’
The mind also has the capacity to self reflect on this sense of self, making it seem like a separate entity which must be real because it feels real. Self reflection is what sets humans apart from most other creatures. We think about ourselves, our thoughts, our feelings, sensations, and so on making this sense of me seem ever more solid. Still, there is no ego (nothing separate from you). Mind is compartmentalizing itself in order to help explain this conditioned sense of self. ‘There must really be a me because it feels like it!.’ It is all build up imagination when all along, the perfume of you remains innocent as long as your body lasts.
What we are is deeper than experience (me), but it also includes the me. To realize it, often taking a ‘backwards’ step out of the conditioned self (seeing what you are not), is needed. Not everyone travels this particular route of inquiry. What is right and true for you is what is important.
The dissolving of Self occurs over time and like the sea slowly reclaiming the edges of a lost coast returns what was built up back to the great Mother. Bit by bit, the sand, stones, plants and even stone walls are washed away merging into the sea water wherefrom life first emerged. The sea is indiscriminate, thorough, and ruthless, leaving nothing behind and takes paper, plastic, along with gems and hopes. Ground down to nothing but essence, new life emerges within as another life cycle walks, swims, lives on, nourished by what once was.
Living Now
When the season turns, do you turn with it? Never quite completed, we are invited nonetheless to reveal the face that we have, expose the heart as it is, and move this body which at times still feels to be half-way lying in the dark womb as it continues its never-ending journey of alchemizing the dark into the light.
Despite being tender hearted and vulnerable in our incompleteness we are asked to take this step as living the momentary quality of Now is what is important, not our perfection.
Shining in our everyday hesitancy as growth lies here at this edge, we stand together in our commonly held wish to truly be enfolded in this life, as life, and to leave this waiting game as if we are never good or wise enough. The truth rather being that enough is what we are.
Take my hand, and I will take yours as we step off into the land that lies beyond the threshold of waiting. Let’s enter this living tableau offering ourselves up to being remade in the same moment as the past is honored. For time is but a river and a friend at that.
Resurrection
How many times during one’s lifetime does one take a nose dive into the netherworlds, the realm where Hades resides? The river Styx in its semi-darkness becoming ever more familiar with recognizable landmarks.
During the course of one’s lifetime we follow dear Persephone and her abductor Hades into the underworld reemerging as she does in the springtime as a shoot, a blooming branch, a sprouting seedling still carrying the compost and aroma of the darkness as the light of the sun beckons one back into the world of dreams and possibility.
Heartbreak, illness, crisis and loss, all carry us down into this realm where stillness, darkness, and silence reign. Horror, grief, and trauma slowly becoming alchemized as one turns inward and rests slowly emerging as creative potential once maximized stillness has been achieved.
How does the seedling know when it is the optimum time to spout? When does the bulb burst through the hard earth reaching for the sun? Divine timing knows, the heart of every living thing in its persistence towards life, knows. Give yourself over to this knowing.
As the Earth cradles you and take you into her mysteries, rest there. As the sun very quietly sings to you in your dark stillness, let yourself stir, rising with trust. Allow life to lead you to your next incarnation of dancing, growing, and yes, eventual fall as It knows exactly what it is doing in this eternal dance of contraction and expansion: The divine experiment called evolution.
‘Environment is stronger than will.’
Yogananda
If one opens to this teaching, we can see how the wisdom that it is pointing to touches on every area of our lives. Ranging from the quality of food we put into our mouths, the type of entertainment and news we take in, what kind of work we do, to our most intimate relationships. As environment is the all encompassing space in which we live, work, and play in.
To live a self-examined life is to take this teaching to heart. It behoves one to deeply look at how one is taking in nourishment. As everything is food for the mind, heart, and body.
In what ways are you paying attention to what your Being is needing in order to help maintain inner and outer harmony? Learning how to honor what your sensitive Soul is needing is a movement of loving care.
Compassion for all life begins with oneself which means turning within for direction rather than being outwardly focused and lost in the illusionary world of unsatisfying dreams.
Remember
Be the yearning
That turns back to look at itself.
As it is your very own self calling you home.
Lean back into your own lap
A lap so large that all of you is welcomed.
All of life is contained within the timeless dimension where the Big Bang is continuously occurring.
You are eternity looking, sensing, and knowing itself.
There is nothing you can do, say, or think that isn’t That.
Even your imagination is included.
You as a separate self does not exist in Reality. This innocent belief arises out of and returns back to where it came from: The totality.
There is no right or wrong, only constant discovery as we continue to spin on the Earth and hurl through this space that we are.
The Earth is your body, the stars and planets are your dreams. Your loved ones are all aspects of yourself. And your enemies are parts of yourself waiting to be made whole by your acceptance.
Your own searching is a self-created journey as you remember your way Home.
No Footprint
We cannot imagine our own demise or what spiritual realization eventually leads to. This is because there really is nothing to see or grasp. To remain true to not needing to know who or what you are, to rest as the mystery itself, is what spiritual maturity looks like.
There is nothing to know. Any understanding that arises out of various awakenings disappears, leaving no trace whatsoever. For a good while there may be a pervading sense of peace, or what some call the Ground of Being that is felt alongside all experience. What we do not know or realize is that this too is a phase. No experience lasts, not even the unity experience. Over time we become more innocent, more free than any landing place can offer.
Most teachings come out of the unity consciousness phase as there is still something to say about what is known, where even the mystery of being itself is felt. Life in its intelligence continues in its own deepening, in the end leaving not even a footprint.
It Is Raining And The Stars Are Out
So many words have already been spoken.
But these never have been in this way before.
I am a love truth arrow splitting the atom into nuclear.
I dare these words to be defied, to be hurled back at me through the defensive structures that we hold so dear, through the collective pretense that we don’t care, and through the Teflon persona.
I cast an arrow of truth, penetrating armor so thoroughly that we end up on the floor, unsure of who is who, what is what, and why.
I am throwing caution to the wind, exclaiming: This One Life!
This life
I am choosing to no longer pretend that I don’t care about you, any others, the creatures, and the Earth.
The truth is that I care so much that my heart explodes daily and is so altered and disassembled that I no longer know who or what I am.
What I have so far offered is an inside out empty pocket which has a hole in it.
Behind me are accrued dried crumbs which I am hopeful can feed a few birds. That is all. I have no desire to leave a sweaty human footprint. There is enough toil and pain etched in the bedrock of the earth.
The crumbs are all that is left of my human footprint, but the love remains as You and I, the Creatures, the Sun and the Earth.
Playing small, pretending that I am not this love or that you aren’t the same exact replica, is fini. Done. Kaput. No exit.
Not fit for human consumption.
Not the kind of human I want to be.
I am a love truth arrow splitting the atom into nuclear.
What I give up is minute to what is being gained. The me that we think we are is as nothing compared to the star that is our birthplace and home.
This heart, the star, imploding and exploding leaving tiny breadcrumbs and galaxies in its wake.
A life lived fearlessly can be summed up as the removal of the protective layers overlaying ones heart from the absolute realization that you are life. It is complete transparency with life as it is. In the closing of the gap of me and you this and that, fear of the unknown and of other is embraced as all one thing. Subtle variations of this all one thingness. Within this embrace, fear is seen as love, everything is seen in the end as one thing. And love is a great description.
We are all walking each other Home.
Ram Dass
Ram Dass isn’t saying: And some will carry us Home. At best we can point, accompany, sympathize, care for, love one another, but we still each have to walk on our own two feet. The essence of this is that we need to access our own strength, discover our own inner purpose, find the path that most resonates, or go off path and be infinitely creative. Path or no path, teacher or no teacher, in the end it is always up to oneself, because the journey is within you, not your neighbor, your beloved, or your idol, as the discovery of remembering yourself is for you alone to do.
You can turn to God herself, but then all you imagine what God is will need to be examined, until the essence of what God is, is uncovered. What is the essence of God? What is your essence? What of you is God? No outside source can reveal this.
Truth has to be discovered within you, as you. Turn the pointers within and let go of the need to rely on anyone, grow up out of desiring to remain a child, wishing to be carried. The other option is to surrender to the mighty river of silence and be a child completely letting go of the reigns. Either way, we surrender to the mystery discovering for ourselves what we are in Truth. What we are is not what we imagine, because imagination gets left behind as we enter the inner sanctum of our own Being. What is humble, innocent, guileless, and open, has access to the keys to the kingdom. This too is a pointer, happily no one can do this for you or it wouldn’t be your discovery.
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